twelve dinner parties in twelve months: what I learned

When I was looking at my life and setting goals for what I wanted to achieve in 2024 one thing was staring me in the face: community. As someone who’s spent their entire adult life career/business focused continuously setting goals around how much money I could make, how much exposure I could get, how many followers I could gain, and what kind of title I could step into, setting a goal that had nothing to do with what I could achieve and everything to do with the relationships I could build felt like rock bottom (and it sort of was).

I’ve always struggled with friendships (turns out I have a disorganized attachment style… so that’s cool). I was never the popular girl in school and I’ve never belonged to a friend group. My adult life started with moving out of my parent’s house after graduation to an entirely new [small] town hours away from home where the only people I knew were my boyfriend and his family. While I had a great relationship with my (now) in-laws the entire time I was feeling like something was missing. I felt very alone in the friend department and couldn’t put my finger on it because I was constantly surrounded by people who I considered to be my friends.

In an attempt to fill the void, I had done many things in my early 20s to try to gain a sense of community and build genuine relationships but, when I took a step back, I realized that they were all centered around work in some way shape or form. Whether it was networking with other entrepreneurs or potential clients, team-building, business mentoring, social media coaching, or client-photographer relationships. While I am grateful for those relationships, it seemed that the only interactions we ever had revolved around work/business and I didn’t want that anymore. I didn’t (and still don’t) want an underlying transactional feeling in my relationships.

Enter my dinner party era. (swiftie for life)

Sitting on the cold, hard rock bottom of the relationship part of my life at the end of 2023, I decided it was time for me to do something different. After all, if you want something different you have to do something different so when I created my vision board for 2024 it was completely centered around community. I didn’t set a single career or business goal, my entire focus was genuine human connection and building actual friendships

The goal was simple (in theory): I had to host one dinner party each month of the year and I couldn’t invite anyone in my husband’s family or anyone who I was acquainted with through his family. It was challenging and embarrassing and really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Being willingly open to rejection from the people who I desired to have close friendships with was really fun.

I didn’t hit my goal, I only hosted eleven dinner parties in 2024, I had to cancel my March dinner party because I was sick (which is not an excuse, I should have found a way to reschedule) but I still learned so much with each dinner party I hosted. I honed my craft (if you will).

I discovered which days worked the best for the community I was trying to build, I learned to cook in different ways so that I could still be present with my guests, I discovered my own personal pallet, and pushed myself to create my own cocktails and mocktails, I read books and listened to countless podcasts on intentional relationship building, I discovered my own personal tablescape style, and even created playlists to set different vibes. There were months where every seat at the table was full and guests stayed until the candlesticks had completely burned out and there were other months where not a single person showed up despite the table being beautifully set, the charcuterie board being laid out, and dinner being (quite literally) in the oven.

In the end, I learned that I love to host. I love to set an aesthetically pleasing table, create beautiful charcuterie boards, and curate a menu that flows (with alcoholic and non-alcoholic options for all of my people). Most importantly, though, I learned that I love getting the people I care about around a table. I love getting to know each other on a deeper level. I love laughing together and sharing the goals we have for our lives. I love building my village

An uncomfortable, not-so-pretty truth I’ve also discovered through this process is that I struggle to be vulnerable with people (which is apparently necessary if you want to build meaningful relationships??? okay???). I’m always willing to listen to others and offer help if wanted but I’ve never been one to tell people about my own struggles in life (hi disorganized attachment, you bitch), I tend to only share the positives in life and, to be fair, I thought it was healthier to not be so negative all the time. I’m kidding. No I’m not. Maybe. I’m working on it, okay??? *asks ChatGPT to find a therapist near me*

Cheers to getting uncomfortable, to doing the things you wish someone else would do, to healing, to learning new things, and to sharing it all with people.