random relationship advice from Dylan & Mallory

Dylan and I have been together just shy of 11 years now. We went through high school and all of the drama that it comes with, growing up together, getting big kid jobs, starting a few businesses, becoming pet owners, world travel, planning a wedding, buying two houses, and I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting about. Basically what I’m saying is — we’ve been through a lot (haven’t hit that parenting stage yet).

The other day while making dinner we were talking about random things that make our relationship strong and I took notes in my phone so I could share with you in hopes that you find it beneficial.

From Dylan:

Pay Attention to Each Other 

Know your person. What do they like? What don’t they like? What’s their drink order? Go to Caribou (or… I guess, if they’re desperate, Starbucks) order? The little things everyone’s always talking about, they do matter. Hence why everyone’s always talking about them.

Keep Dating 

This was something he vowed to me on our wedding day. Dinner, movies, drinks, whatever it is, don’t stop doing it after you’ve been together for a while. It should always be a priority and it will make your relationship stronger.

Keep Private Life at Home 

I feel like nobody does this anymore, everyone knows everyone’s business. Every healthy relationship has good times and bad times. Everyone fights. Every single healthy relationship will still have fights. Please though, keep it private, you’ll be happy about it. Stop fighting in public, stop telling everyone about your fights (ok yeah, sometimes you need to vent but not everyday), work it out at home or in a therapist’s office (no shame in couple’s counseling whatsoever).

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

If you’re mad actually take a minute before you go full on mad (blow up). Most of the time you’re just mad. Fighting over that is just never worth it and by the time it’s over you usually realize it wasn’t about what you thought it was about in the first place. Don’t jump to conclusions, talk about it. Express how you’re feeling, calmly.

From Mallory:

Trust Each Other

I don’t care who you are or how long you’ve been together, if you’re in a relationship, you have to have trust. I don’t care what someone in the past has done to you, you have to trust your present, and if they’re the one who hurt you — you chose to forgive them, you have to trust them again if you want a healthy relationship.
To me, this is the thing that sets the tone for a healthy relationship. I know Dylan wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I don’t check his phone or stalk his social media. When he leaves the house, I’m not frantic. I’m not texting him 24/7 or checking my snap map to see where he is at all times (up until last year I didn’t even know there was a snap map let alone how to use it, and mine is set to private, not even Dylan could check if he wanted to FYI). If he doesn’t answer my text messages I don’t assume he’s cheating. If he’s having a conversation with a woman, it doesn’t bother me. Do you know how freeing it is to trust someone completely? I’ve witnessed so many people not have trust in their relationship and it stresses me out, I can’t imagine how it feels first hand.

Support Each Other

Since Dylan and I have been together I’ve built a successful brand with many parts — lifestyle wedding and family photography, MONAT hair, skin, and wellness, a blog, and mobile presets — Dylan’s supported me through every step and I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I was fighting him along with everyone else and my own personal doubts. Dylan’s the person that doesn’t let me quit when that’s all I want to do. He’s the one who makes me get back up when I fall down. He pushes me to the top. It wasn’t until I added MONAT to my brand that I realized how unsupportive so many significant others (mostly husbands… but not always) can be.
This goes back to the trust conversation. Do you trust your partner? Then you should trust that they’ve made the right decision in their job, business, etc. and you should support it. If it makes them happy, you should support it.

Honestly Talk to Each Other

How can you have a relationship with out honest communication? How? I’m not just talking about telling each other what’s bothering you in your relationship — though that shouldn’t be overlooked at all and it is apart of what I am saying — I mean talk about it all. How was your day? How are your finances? How are you really feeling? What’s bothering you? What makes you happy? What do you love about the other person? What are your dreams? Where do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years? You know, things that you talk about your best friends with. You should be having conversations constantly. You should know how your partner is, where they want to go, and what they want from life and vice versa.

Remember That You’re a Team

When it all comes down to it, you love each other. You win by working together. It’s you two against anything that tries to break you — a fight, a job, financial stress, family, friends, etc. You’re a unity and it’s so much better when you remember that.