25 things I've learned in 25 years

A quarter of a century today. Wow. I used to LOVE my birthday. I celebrated all month long. All of October is my birthday. This year, though, I feel a lot different (quarter-life crisis??). I feel behind. I feel like I haven’t done much in the last year that’s worth celebrating today.

To be honest, I’m not really sure where I thought I would be at 25 but this isn’t exactly what I pictured, and before you say it — I know that life doesn’t go as planned and we have to embrace the imperfect and the unplanned, I know. I definitely thought I’d be married, so we’re off to a good start, but I also thought by this age I’d be ready for kids and I don’t even know how I feel about that. Am I ready? I don’t know. Do I want them? I don’t know. Should I have them? I. Don’t. Know. I also thought I would be much further in my journey as an entrepreneur and while I am proud of where I’m at, I have a lot more that I need to get done. Lastly, I pictured myself checking more off of my bucket list by this time, and, well, here we are.

Enough of the pity party. With all of that being said, there are some valuable things I’ve learned in the last 25 years that I’d like to share in the hopes that just one person can benefit from it.

1) Never Settle

Never settle for love, friends, your career, your hair products (😂), YOUR LIFE. You get one fucking chance at this thing and you don’t even know how long you’ll be here, WHY would you want to spend it settling for less than what you deserve? Less than what you want? Stop telling yourself things will change tomorrow, when you lose weight, when you turn 30, stop settling for right now in hopes of a better future. You don’t even know how much of a future you have.

2) You’re in Competition with No One

Your life isn’t a competition. God created every single human life to be unique. If you waste your time focusing on what other people have done in comparison to what you have done you’ll miss out on what you were created to do. Believe me when I say that I know this is so much easier said than done but develop tunnel vision and stay in your own lane. Do this and I promise you’ll be a lot happier.

3) The People You Surround Yourself With Really Do Make a Difference in Who You Become

I don’t care how much of an individual you are, the people in your life play a huge role and have a big influence on you. Surround yourself with 5 millionaires and you’ll be the 6th, surround yourself with 5 people who just live for the weekends and you’ll be the 6th. Sometimes, this is hard to accept, we don’t want to give up the people that we’ve been friends with for so long but as we grow and as we want to grow, we have to leave people behind. I’m not saying you have to completely disassociate with these people, you can love people that make different decisions than you or live life differently than you, but the people you spend a majority of your life with should be people living lives that align with what you want.

4) Heal Yourself

*Insert your eye-roll here.* Self-development is a very real, very necessary thing to live a happy and fulfilled life. Recognize what triggers you. Learn why it triggers you. Work through it. Recognize your toxic behaviors and make changes. Know that therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. Start taking responsibility for your own life and stop blaming others or certain situations for what you do/don’t have.

5) Take A Lot of Pictures and Videos — Document Your Life

You’ll never regret having too many photos or videos with the people you love but you’ll always wish you had more once they’re gone. Take them. Be the annoying person with the phone/camera. Hire a professional once a year. You won’t regret it.

6) Travel Now and Travel Often

If we were meant to stay in one place God would have given us roots, go see the world. Traveling changes your entire perspective on life. It gives you the opportunity to try new things and meet new people. Take as many trips as you can: day trips, weekend getaways, week-long vacations, do them all. I promise you, it’s worth it. It’s better to see something once in person than 1000 times through pictures/videos.

7) Life Will Never Slow Down

You’ve heard it, maybe you’ve even said it, “I’ll get to it when life slows down,” “when life slows down I’ll…” Listen to me, life will never slow down. You’re busy with school, then college, then you’re busy building your career or business. Next thing you know you’re planning a wedding and/or having kids and that comes with a whole new kind of pace. Life doesn’t get slow. Stop waiting for it to slow down to do the things that you want, start doing them now. Don’t wake up when you’re 80 and realize that you’ve spent you’re entire life waiting for it to slow down.

8) Stop Living for the Validation of Others

People will talk about you no matter what you do. They’ll be annoyed that you have kids or dogs or that you’re in a happy relationship. They’ll be bothered by your career choice or your choice to build a business. It’ll irk them when you travel or build a new house. You’ll never be someone everyone approves of — you just won’t. “You will not need validation from other people if you validate yourself.” — Mel Robbins. Validate yourself. Live for your own approval. Make yourself happy.

9) Never Take Criticism from Someone You Wouldn’t Take Advice From

The haters are loud and they want you to hear them. It’s hard not to let it get to you but I want you to remember that you should never take criticism from someone who’s not where you want to be.

10) If You Can’t Handle $100 You Can’t Handle $1,000,000

You know those people that constantly live above their means? Maybe that’s you? They constantly tell themselves that once they make more they’ll be fine. Your spending habits don’t change just because your income does. Learn to live below your means and manage your money now. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Credit card debt is not a normal (or fun) way to live.

11) Take Time to Do the Things That Make You Happy

You know I’ve wanted to fly a plane for years. YEARS. It’s been something I’ve been actively thinking about almost daily. I was always waiting for someone to go with me. The time to be right. To even have the time to go in general (more excuses). This year, I finally did it. I did it and it was the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. Why did I wait? Why did I put it off for so long? It’s not like it was a complicated process. It didn’t take long. It wasn’t very expensive. This year I made the decision to stop living my life on everyone else’s schedule. I’m done waiting. I’m working to be okay with doing things by myself. This year, I made the decision to do things that make me happy, and it’s not selfish. It doesn’t have to be something as big as flying a plane. It can be going to your favorite restaurant because you want to, getting a specialty coffee, getting your nails done, taking a nap, buying a new outfit, seeing a movie, watching the sunrise, buying a new coffee mug, visiting a new destination, anything that makes you happy. Do something that makes you happy and do not be afraid to do it by yourself if you have to.

12) Sacrifice is Necessary for Growth

There’s negativity going around (and it has been for years) about hustle culture. People will make you feel like you shouldn’t have to work hard for something. You shouldn’t have to give anything up for the things that you want. You should prioritize rest over everything. Look, I don’t know a single successful person that hasn’t made sacrifices, pulled all-nighters, missed out on some holidays, chosen work over fun, etc. Whether you’re building a business, trying to get through college, or hell, even having kids. If you want something big it requires some level of sacrifice. The goal is to sacrifice now so you don’t have to (as much) later. Work hard, play hard, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it — especially people on social media.

13) Be Honest

Back to basics, sounds pretty simple, huh? Obviously not. I can’t tell you how many people aren’t honest because they think it’s mean. I’m not saying you have to be disrespectful, just tell the truth — to others and to yourself.

14) Failure is Inevitable

As a high achiever — an enneagram 4w3 — this was hard to accept. I got straight As all through high school and college without ever trying. Once, in 4th grade, I got a word wrong on a spelling test and cried all night over it because I thought it meant that I was a failure (I’m not joking, I cried ALL NIGHT). Eventually, I even taught myself that if it didn’t come easy then it wasn’t for me. Sports? Not for me. I actually quit track on day 4 because it was hard. I wouldn’t try anything new if I thought I wouldn’t be good at it right away. I didn’t want to, no, I refused to, fail in front of people — honestly, this one still gets me sometimes. It wasn’t until I became an entrepreneur that I learned failure is inevitable. Failure is necessary to move forward and to learn.

15) Find a Way to Make Money in Your Sleep

If you don’t find a way to make money in your sleep, you’ll work until you die. Invest, make residual and multiple streams of income a priority, you won’t regret it.

16) Make Health a Priority

You’ve probably heard this a thousand times but I’m serious. Move your body, eat healthy foods, take your supplements, use clean products, make the switches you can make, put yourself first, fill your own cup. I’m not saying to never enjoy a piece of cheesecake, I’m saying you should strive to have balance.

17) Learn to Love Yourself

Another one I’m sure you’ve heard a million times over but please try. You spend the most time with you. No matter what’s happened to you, no matter what mistakes you’ve made, no matter the number on your jeans or the scale, no matter what, you’re worthy of love. We’re all flawed, we’ve all done something we’re not proud of, we all have things that we don’t like about ourselves, love yourself anyway. Once you love yourself everything else I’ve mentioned becomes a priority, not a chore. You know you’re worthy of a life you didn’t settle for, you have to make an effort to heal because you deserve it, you have to make your health a priority — not for looks — for your quality of life, you have to do the things that make you happy because you deserve it. It all ties in together. Once you love yourself, you stop trying to get everyone else to love you.

18) Make Your Relationship with God a Priority

Unfortunately, I think this one took me too long to learn. I’ve always been religious. I’ve always had a bible. I know the story of Jesus. I’ve been baptized, gone through my first reconciliation, first communion, confirmation, and had a Christian wedding but it wasn’t until the last two years that I really made this relationship a priority, though. Faith is the only thing that’s gotten me through the last 2 years. Reading the bible, doing my devotions, and learning more about God changes everything, the days I don’t get around to my devotions are worse. I’m in a worse mood, I feel unsettled, nervous, fearful, anxious, all of it. The days I spend with Jesus I feel better.

I’d also like to add that going to church doesn’t automatically make you a good Christian and not going to church doesn’t make you a bad Christian.

19) Communicate

Learn to communicate with your significant other, family, friends, coworkers, etc. Stop sending signals and waiting for people to pick up on things. Stop waiting for someone to ask the right question. Communicate your wants, needs, feelings, etc. If you don’t know how to make it a priority to learn. If someone did something that hurt you, tell them. If you don’t understand, make that known. If you need something, ask. Do you know how many problems and fights can be avoided if proper, clear communication is used?

20) Clothes Were Made to Fit Your Body

When a pair of shoes don’t fit, we don’t blame our feet, we get a different size. Everyone’s body is different. Even if we all followed the exact same diet and exercise routine, our bodies would still be different. As we go through life our bodies change for whatever reason. Of course, as I mentioned above, you want to make your health a priority, but healthy is a different size for everyone. Buy the clothes that fit and donate the ones that don’t.

21) The Way People Act is a Reflection of Them, Not You

It’s funny, as you start to heal yourself, do self-development, and recognize your triggers and toxic traits you learn a lot about other people too. Hurt people hurt people. Most of the time when someone’s awful towards you it has more to do with what’s going on inside of them than it has to do with who you are/what you’re doing. Those people who are rude every day, the bullies in high school, the person who’s always shooting down everything you do, they’re unhappy in some way, shape, or form in their own lives and they’re taking it out on you. It’s not an excuse for them (they need to do their own healing) but understanding this can help your own mental health.

22) Boundaries are Healthy

You don’t need to let everyone in your life, you don’t need to be availabe 24/7. Your job, business, customers, clients, coworkers, family, friends, whatever it is doesn't own you. You’re allowed to say no, you’re allowed to turn your notifications off, and you’re allowed to not feel guilty about it. Boundaries are healthy.

23) Learn to Be Disciplined

Discipline is one of the strongest forms of self-love. It’s not something that comes naturally, it’s a muscle you have to exercise every single day and it’s worth it. Be disciplined in your healing journey, your daily routine, your health, your job/business, school, relationships, etc. You won’t be motivated every day but you can be disciplined every day.

24) You’re Responsible for Your Own Life

If you haven’t picked up on this yet, I’m a pretty honest and tough love person. Life isn’t fair, it’s never going to be fair, go out there and use that to your advantage. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes things happen that we can’t explain. Stop blaming your childhood, your parents, your ex, your friends, your financial situation, whatever it is, at this point your life is your responsibility. The way you act, the choices you make, where you’re going, it’s all your responsibility. You can either feel sorry for yourself and complain about how God is out to get you or you can change your situation. No matter where you come from or what you’ve gone through, you can move forward, start your healing process, get a new job, move, and make better life choices for your future. If you want to change, change. It’s. On. YOU.

25) Enjoy Today

I’m a goal-oriented person, when I hit one goal I set the next and I’m guilty of forgetting to enjoy the now. Sometimes it feels like we’re always waiting for the weekend, the next vacation, the next step in our lives, the next big thing and we forget that life doesn’t start then. Life doesn’t start when we graduate, when we land our dream job, when we become a millionaire, when we get married, or when we have kids, life is here. It’s right now, it’s today. Work towards a better future but don’t forget to enjoy what you have right in front of you. Be grateful for today while you’re working towards tomorrow.

It’s been an adventure, 25 years around the sun, and today feels bitter-sweet. I’m grateful to be here. Even though it’s not exactly what I had hoped for (is it ever?), I’m grateful for the life I’ve built thus far. I think God has more in store for me and I’m gonna lean into the faith that he’s got something bigger planned.